How NOT to behave at the company Christmas party
If you're interested in losing your current job by misbehaving at the company Christmas party, we've got some tips to help make it a smooth transition.
It's that time of year again, the time when it feels like there’s only 25 mins of daylight a day, your bank account takes a pounding and Charley from HR sends the reminder about how to conduct yourself at the Christmas Party! While this is a time to let loose and have some fun on the company dime, it's important to remember that it's still a professional setting. But, if you did want to “go out in style” and plan the new-year-new-you to have a new career, here are some tips:
🍻 🍷 Get too drunk: It's OK to enjoy a few drinks at the company Christmas party, but it's important to remember to pace yourself: six drinks in the first hour and a steady three of four every hour after. Everyone enjoys being the person who gets sloppy drunk and has to be carried out by their colleagues, wearing their lunch.
😘Hit on your boss: The company Christmas party is the perfect time to try and make a move on your boss. There are no better, or more appropriate ways to get a promotion.
🕺Dance like a maniac: Let loose on the dance floor, try not to avoid inappropriate or overly energetic dance moves. Blake from finance wants to see you krunking to "Jingle Bell Rock."
🎤 Show off your terrible karaoke skills: Because there's a karaoke machine, it means you have to sing. If you're not confident in your vocal abilities, this is the perfect opportunity to put in an hour or three’s practice. Try the same song three or four times in a row to really get the hang of it.
🧑🎤Wear a ridiculous outfit: The company Christmas party is the time to test out your wildest fashion choices. Anything too flashy or revealing is perfect – you want to be the talk of the office for all the wrong reasons.
🤣Tell inappropriate jokes: It's important to remember that the company Christmas party is a not really a professional setting, so telling any inappropriate jokes or making inappropriate comments is acceptable. Especially in combination with point 1.
🦐Overdo it on the food: You’ll be getting a burger on the way home anyway, but it’s important to line your stomach before embarking on point 1 so you can get to point 9. Bonus points if you get shrimp sauce on your top.
⌚Don't leave early: It may be tempting to slip out early and avoid any awkward conversations, but it's important to show your colleagues that you value their company and want to spend time with them doing karaoke, eating too much and making the most of the free bar. Besides, who will carry you to your taxi if you leave early and by yourself?
🎉 Don't forget to have fun: While it's important to remember to be professional, it's also important to be unprofessional and have fun and enjoy the company of your colleagues before you have pack up your desk, say goodbye and leave a large gap on your resume.
Remember, the new year is the perfect time to get a fresh start and find a new job. Why not make the most of the old job by behaving so badly at the holiday party that you save yourself the trouble of resigning by getting fired. Merry Christmas!
(HR Disclaimer: this is a joke. In no way do I condone any (well, most) of the above. As you know, you should behave yourself at the holiday party, treat your colleagues and the event staff with dignity and respect and make sure you can look at yourself (albeit with a decent hangover) in the mirror the following morning!)
The last couple of years have been rough, so look out for each other and have a great time whatever it is you choose to do over the holiday period. Wishing you a Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and a Prosperous New Year.
Take care,
Mike